flowers in black and white

Charcoal on Paper

12″ x 24″

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three red delicious apples

Oil on Canvas 18″ x 24″

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the tension of life

We’re here for a very short time. That’s pretty much what’s on my mind these days.

In this short time we have to make choices about how to use our time, spend out days.

Each choice carries consequences. And in these choices, we’d like to think, “Well, I’m willing to sacrifice this result for that result, so I’ll make this decision!”

But the truth is, we don’t know how things will turn out.

I recently saw a photo of a guy I worked with years ago. A guy much younger than me. He was at some sort of event. A wedding maybe. He was holding up a smiling one-year-old in a little suit. His son.

When I knew him, he was single and had no child. And there he was in a photo holding up a baby. He looked so happy. I’d never seen him so happy. It was strange, not knowing what had happened in the intervening years to get him to that point. But there he was.

I love kids. Everyone who knows me knows that. But I’m busy and I have no idea where kids fit in. My life is about a lot of risks. Some pay off, some don’t. I’d hate to bring a child into the world and have him depending on my crazy decisions.

And yet, where’s the stability. People are being laid off in great numbers right now. I wake up every morning amazed I’m doing things I always meant to be doing and on track to do even more I meant to do.

I don’t know. We have choices. But we think choices means knowing the result. And it doesn’t. The choice itself is all we have. The result is the thing that arrives later — often with no connection to our expectations. I’m guessing most lives have moments of exhilaration, despair, hope, fear, frustration, joy… no matter what choices were made.